You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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