youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i will never coherently bang her
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
