It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
