You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
