I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
