she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
