Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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