Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Still dying that you shit outside
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize