No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
me + whiskey = a bad person
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
