he wants to bone in the snuggie
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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