so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
