You smell like stripper and shame
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
