Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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