we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
