I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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