just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
