conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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