um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
