Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
