Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
