i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
