god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
