I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
