I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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