Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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