i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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