Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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