Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
