Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
