This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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