I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
