So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
