Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
