my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
