Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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