Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
