things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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