I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
