So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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