you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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