We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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