Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
