Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
