I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
