24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
