im drinking this country out of the recession.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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