Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
