Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize