Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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