when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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