biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't notice because vodka
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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