so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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