I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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