you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
