Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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