Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
