I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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