so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
