I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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