You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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