Your mouth is God's brothel.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
