I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
