plz talk dirty to me
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
