Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize