dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
