i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
