Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
