so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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