Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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