is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
