Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
