Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
