he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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