I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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