Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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