u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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