so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
