She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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