If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
