this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
